Jeffrey L. Jones, editor
jjones@fayette.k12.ky.us

The auto-signature -that ubiquitous collection of repetitive verbiage that hangs off the end of everyone's email - has spawned a veritable cottage industry of Internet-delivered quote accumulators. Thanks to Bret Harte Middle School (Oakland, CA) math teacher Anthony Cody (and other sources), this month's Network is a collection of quotations from various famous and learned people, caught with their tongue firmly planted in their cheek. Rotate your autosig! Stomp out boredom! Contribute to the text glut that everyone loves to ignore!

• Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it. - Max Frisch
• Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. - Will Durant
• Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. - Carl Zwanzig
• There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - Douglas Adams
• Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't. - Pete Seeger

The child comes home... from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?" The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
• Good teaching is one-forth preparation and three-fourths theater. - Gail Godwin
• Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things. (Unknown)
• In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time. - Edward P. Tryon
• Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. - Robert Frost

A wise schoolteacher... sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

• The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest. - Kilgore Trout
• People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. -  (unknown)
• The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing. - William J. Broad
• University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. - Rich Cook

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary..., the teacher told her young charges, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life." From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."

• There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for - Fred Hoyle
• My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed. - Christopher Morley
• All general statements are false. - (unknown)
• I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge. - Edward Chilton
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)