Vol. 4, #3
December,
2003
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Jeffrey L. Jones, editor
jjones@fayette.k12.ky.us

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Darwin AwardsThe Darwin Awards

Featured in TIPS for May, 2003, Darwin is back! For the uninitiated, the "award" is essentially just recognition by Wendy Northcutt's website, http://www.DarwinAwards.com, and is determined by a set of rules and votes by frequenters of the site. The site has recently added audio files (and "books on tape" versions of its books) to its list of offerings.

To review, the Darwin Awards are not for the feint of heart. To receive one , you

  1. must be dead, and 
  2. have become so by a significant (and humorous) error in judgment.

The award is named for a somewhat distorted and sarcastic interpretation of what impact such a demise might have on the overall state of the homo sapiens gene pool. Here's several of the award candidates for this year:

Jack Up
2003 Darwin Awards Nominee
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(9 April 2003, New Zealand) Phil needed to make repairs to the underside of his car. But when he jacked it up, there wasn't enough room for him to work. So he removed the car's battery, placed the jack on top of it, and set to work again, this time with plenty of elbow-room. Unfortunately for Phil, car batteries are not designed to carry much weight. The battery collapsed and the jack toppled, trapping him beneath the car. Unable to breathe due to the weight on his chest, he quickly expired in a pool of battery acid.

This incident is illuminated by two additional facts: First, Phil's occupation was Accident Prevention Officer at a large food processing plant. And second, ten years previous, he had been working under a car when the jack collapsed, trapping him and breaking one of his legs. Some people just don't learn -- even from their own mistakes.

Tree Hard, Head Empty
2003 Darwin Awards Nominee
Confirmed by Darwin

(17 February 2003, New York) A 25-year-old man, long accustomed to annoying neighbors by snowmobiling at high speeds through sleeping streets, finally received his comeuppance -- and in the process, a Darwinian nomination -- when he drove headfirst into a tree. It is not only his reckless speeding through a nighttime residential area that makes him eligible, nor is it merely because he was driving an unregistered, uninsured snowmobile without a helmet while drunk. Although these spectacularly stupid ideas were ultimately responsible for his demise, there is yet another relevant aspect to report.

Brian "The Brain" Sabinsky was a fireman, a member of the same company dispatched to peel him off the tree, the same organization that preaches snowmobile safety; responds to other gruesome, drunken, helmet-free snowmobile "accidents" every year; and the very same company that posts an illuminated "helmet safety" notice 700 feet from his own home.

Clearly, while others have been as foolish as Brian in their choice of recreational activities, few have been so uniquely aware of the possible repercussions prior to making that choice!

"Pancake Thief"
2003 Darwin Award Nominee
New York Times Story

(January 2003, India) Regarding accidental deaths during the construction of a subway in New Delhi, the New York Times wrote, "One of those killed was an unlucky thief who tried to steal braces holding up a concrete slab; it fell and killed him."

Stop That!
2003 Darwin Awards Nominee
Unconfirmed by Darwin

(April 2003, London, England) A train passenger who was in the habit of triggering the emergency alarm so he could get out at an "unscheduled stop" on the busy London network, was hit and killed when he disembarked onto the track in front of an oncoming train.