TIPS Volume 3, No. 7
March, 2003

     Grade Level Key 
     = Elem, = Middle
     = High, = Teachers

Here's a couple of lists that wandered across the ol' inbox recently. If you wonder has happened to the entire world of humor, take a look at #13!

1. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have e-mail.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
4. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
5. Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.
6. You buy a computer and 3 months later it's out of date and sells for half the price you paid.
7. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.
8. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.
9. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave!
10. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
11. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
12. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
13. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
14. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls. (DSL or cable modem solves this problem!)
15. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
16. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
17. You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and check your e-mail on your way back to bed.
18. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
19. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
20. Even worse; you know exactly who you are going to forward this to!

1. From here on down, it's uphill all the way (Pogo)
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
5. When eagles are silent the parrots begin to jabber (Winston Churchill)
6. A verbal contract is not worth the paper its written on (Samuel Goldwyn)
7. Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
8. Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler (Alfred Einstein).
9. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
10. Don't bite the hand that changes the diaper.
11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
12. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
13. Never underestimate a man's ability to underestimate a woman's. We have met the enemy, and they are us (Pogo)
14. Experience is being able to recognize when you have made the same mistake again.
15. The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.
16. Do or do not, there is no try (Yoda)
17. I want everyone to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs (Samuel Goldwyn)
18. The world owes you nothing, it was here first (Mark Twain)
19. He was born in a log cabin that he built (Arkansas politician)
20. Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience
21. Money is just a way of keeping score (H.L. Hunt)
22. An honest legislator is one who stays bought (Texas lobbyist)
23. Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations (The CIA)
24. Elevate those guns a little lower (Samuel Goldwyn)
25. History. The sum total of things that could have been avoided (Konrad Adenauer)
26. Most accidents happen in the middle of the road (Eugene McCarthy)
27. Creditors have better memories that debtors (Ben Franklin)
28. The denials have deniability (Ronald Reagan)

The State of Software Sales Department

Yep, it's coming...get ready now...