TIPS Volume 3, No. 5
January, 2003

     Grade Level Key 
     = Elem, = Middle
     = High, = Teachers

Upgrade your dog

Having problems with your current dog?? Here is your chance to upgrade!

Are you experiencing too many reserves and 2nd places to inferior animals in the dog show ring? In the obedience ring, does your dog forget her/his own name?

Well, this simple chain letter is meant to bring relief and happiness to you. Unlike most chain letters, it doesn't cost money. Simply send a copy of this letter to six other dog owners who are dissatisfied with the way their dogs are working and showing.

Also, bundle up your dog and send him/her to the dog owner at the top of this list and add your name to the bottom of the list. Do not use a return address or the post office may try to contact you.

In one week you will receive 16,436 dogs and one of them should be a real winner. Have faith in this letter and do not break the chain.

One owner broke the chain and got her own dog back.

author unknown

Play Golf!

Did you know who in 1923 was:

1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men?

1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. 
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane. 
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. 
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless. 
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
  6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.

The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.

CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF

This letter originated in The Netherlands, has been passed around the world at least 20 times, bringing good luck to everyone who passed it on. The one who breaks the chain will have bad luck.

Do not keep this letter. Do not send money. Just have your wonderful, efficient cpu make five additional copies and send it to five of your friends to whom you wish good luck. You will see that something good happens to you four days from now if the chain is not broken. This is not a joke. You will receive good luck in four days.

That last part is, of course, a joke...

This paper has been sent to you for bad luck. The original has been destroyed by millions of furious recipients, enraged from having received thousands of copies each. It has never traveled around the world, because if it did, the world would immediately self-destruct/be destroyed by berzerked meta-beings. [Dear Reader: please help keep this count current. If this letter falls into your hands, decrease the count just before you destroy the infernal thing.] 

The bad luck has now been sent to you. You will never experience great things, ever, because you will die within 96 hours of receiving this letter, provided you send it on. Since this copy must not tour the world, you must not make any copies and send them to anyone else.  

This is no joke. Send no money, and especially don't send this letter on.  

Don't send copies to anyone you like, or anyone who ever wants to have a chance with the opposite gender. Don't even send it to enemies, because the bad luck falls on you!  

• After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control Officer got his nose stuck in a cow-milking machine was heard to scream, "I'm sorry!" as he was sucked into its innards and pasteurized.  
• John Elliot tried to take his dog for a walk, and, because he sent the letter on, was ethered, robbed of all his money, tied up, and had his dog super-glued to his chest. Eventually his lungs exploded, killing him.  

Do note the following:

• Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953. He asked his secretary to make twenty copies and send them out. Later that afternoon a freak earthquake destroyed the office building. Geologists were puzzled; the epicenter was nowhere near any known faults.  
• General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in the street. When he bent down to grab it, a beautiful woman in a miniskirt walked by, and he got a great view. The woman noticed this, cried, "RAPE!", and he was arrested and received a 10 year minimum sentence. His aide, Colonel Roger Bumswiver, who did not pass on the letter, had simultaneously tried to pick up a similar object, but was not noticed by the woman.
• Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the letter and lost it. His wife then went bowling with his best friend and was killed in a freak pin-setting accident. He inherited $7 million. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed out twenty copies. 2 days later in Miami he was killed in a carjacking. 
• In 1987 a copy of the letter was received by a young woman in Texas. It was faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to her. While attempting to retype it, her typewriter exploded, embedding the x key in her cheek. After being released from the hospital, she tried to draft it longhand. While writing, the pencil slipped and jabbed through the palm of her hand. Giving up, she tossed the faded scrap into the trash. While being treated for lead poisoning she met a male nurse and was happily married a few days later. 

You must not distribute any copies within 96 hours of receiving this letter, or ever. In fact, you must destroy it to fully exorcise its evil influences. Those who do not will have extremely bad luck forever and ever (until death, unless they still haven't destroyed the letter, in which case it will continue even then).  Those who do destroy this voodoo curse will be rewarded with a long and satisfying life.  

Enjoy...