TIPS Volume 3, No. 4
December, 2002

     Grade Level Key 
     = Elem, = Middle
     = High, = Teachers

Don't go away, it's time to play...

Upgrade Mania!!! 

Just when you thought it was safe to go into your computer, a new operating system, a new Office application, a new email fix...always something new! Weeeell, here at The Network is Down, we're not going to take it anymore! We're going to plop down right where we are, thrust our tongue firmly in our cheek, and do what we do best - make fun of things!

Windows 98 -
Brooklyn Edition

"Dear Consumas..."

It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS 98 - BROOKLYN EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Broooklyn. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da commands. Da Brooklyn edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "WINDAS 98," wit a background picture of Grand Army Plaza. When you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear da teme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

• Recycle Bin is labeled "Staten Island."
• The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk."
• Deleted Items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," or "Rubbed Out."
• Dial up Networking is called "Da Bar."
• Control Panel is known as the "Da Bosses."
• Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin' the family business" and will actually maximize WINDOWS 98/BROOKLYN EDITION program instead of shuttin' it down.
• Hard Drive is referred to as "Da BQE Rush Hour."
• Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna %$#@&! believe dis!" pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA BROOKLYN EDITION:

• OK...................Sure ting
• Cancel...........Fagetaboutit
• Reset.............Start Ova
• Yes.................Yeah
• No...................Nah
• Find................Put a contract out on
• Browse..........Get a looksee
• Back...............U toin
• Help................(Help ain't available - youz don't need no stinkin' help)
• Stop.................Knock it off
• Start.................Move it!
• Settings..........Here's d' Rules

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da BROOKLYN EDITION platform don't recognize da letter "R." Some programs and uddah accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS 98:

• Typa................A word processin' program
• Printa...............Printer
• Calculata..........Calculator
• Solitare.............Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of da BROOKLYN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

Youse got a problem wit dat?

BILL ("4 eyes") GATES

Upgrading that hardware

Here's what you'll get when you move it up!

Other hardware enhancements:

Palm Pilot Skin

.Cell Phone Headset